Somehow autumn came, before I managed to get my fair share of summer.
I used to love summer. I’d go on long walks, go swimming or meet with friends for music sessions somewhere outdoors.
This summer I managed to be out privately* for a couple of hours, when the Health Food Store, close to where I live, was celebrating it’s 30th anniversary. I was elated to see some trees and mutual friends.
I am grateful for it, I really am. But there is a longing for more summer, celebration and trees in my soul, that is nearly feels like greed. It is like a wild animal. It can’t be tamed.
Now that autumn is here with it’s rain showers, storms and beautiful colours, I feel melancholy creep up on me.
I used to love autumn and less heat should do me some good too, healthwise. Maybe.
I still feel like I am lacking a whole lot of summertime bliss. And I can’t even distract myself with autumnal fun, as I am still very much stuck in bed. As usual.
I can hear the storm. That’s how I know, it is not summer anymore. And I noticed that I asked for my hot water bottle nearly as often as for my cool packs.
I had to ask more often in general. My body isn’t good with changing circumstances, doesn’t matter that it is just a change of season.
We’ll see if I can manage to get used to autumn, before it gets winter. I wouldn’t bet on that.
I used to love autumn.
And when winter comes around, I’ll at least be able to no longer feel guilty for the christmas decoration in the corner, I couldn’t manage to take off and put away.
I figure I’m going to have to do something autumnal, like crocheting myself a colourful soulwarmer shrug, to place myself there.
Sounds cosy. Sounds like a plan.
(*privately: not to the doctors)